I think this journal will serve to
be a positive resource for me in the future. I’ve always noticed how I have so
many thoughts and I plan to use this in order to document some of them. I think
I should start off with a little information about my life currently. My home
is in Salem, Massachusetts; a lovely little community. I’m glad to be in a
place like this where people are able to live Puritan lives far away from
persecution back in Europe, though some people are haunted by the thought that
they are still persecuted. Let me clarify that we are perfectly safe to practice
out religion here. We in Salem are a small town and we share the same beliefs
and so far it’s been working out fine for us.
The
town’s main focus is obviously Puritanism and staying faithful and committed to
our religion. If anything is nearly as important to that, it would be reputation.
I used to consider myself a pretty respectable person and I would pride myself
on that. I think my integrity may have been the main reason my wife, Elizabeth,
fell in love with me. I love that Salem is motivated in maintaining strong
sense of community. It wouldn’t be a bad life to own a farm here and have a
family, for I could see myself living happily here for a while.
Yes, I do
believe that this Puritan way of life is very suitable for me. The only flaw that
prevents me personally from being content is a dark time of my past. I have
made some decisions that I regret greatly, yet Puritanism is not providing me
with a way to get passed it. Confessions of such actions would be slaughtering
my own name and reputation... I could not just confess to committing adultery,
for I would be ruined in the society. Being completely unsure of how to handle
this all I can do is pray. I really couldn’t help it at the time. All I want is
to be rid of this guilt. And Elizabeth, poor Elizabeth, I wish I could undo
what I have done for her sake. She deserves much better than that from me.
I have
always been loyal until that and I try to tell myself that it doesn’t totally
define me, although if it went public I would undoubtedly be condemned within
the community. Now that I am contemplating this society I am starting to realize
that it is parochial. Maybe I am the
only one to recognize this. I just hope and pray that this fault doesn’t end up
causing conflict.
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